Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Part Two

Gossip Dog here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of the dog world's elite. And who am I? That's something I'll never tell. You know you love me xoxo

So you're back for another sniff? Good for you! It seems Episode One of this unfolding saga travelled around the world to 10 countries in a heartbeat. So many dog lovers, so little time...

And speaking of sniffing, Part Two sees Dame J inviting more comment from the breeding and showing world, and as expected her friends and foes alike have been only to happy to oblige. 

Able Mabel, bless her, is pitted against Pringham's Rockstar (the Top Mail Bulldog 2010 and Best of Breed for Crufts 2011). Some can't see any difference between the two (Specsavers anyone?). Some prefer the looks of the Crufts champ and are distinctly agitated about Mabel's top line. Are her legs too long? How old is she? And so on and so on. To be honest, Gossip Dog is just happy that Mabel can breathe. And hey, another bonus, she even has a tail! You see the problem with genetic experimentation, which is what breeding is really all about folks, is that if you change things that didn't need changing in the first place you're going to get slapped on the wrist by mother nature. And you know what they say about the fury of a woman scorned...

Speaking of mother nature, how glorious has the weather been of late? It's like dog heaven out there. Lots of frolicking and playing in the sunshine. I wonder how Liz is? No not diamond jubilee Liz, the other one. Well, the grass is short and dry so perhaps her award-winning little paws will have been allowed out of the inner sanctum for a quick stretch. Here's hoping.

Not that I'm labelling anyone here you understand, but thinking about the other Liz for a moment, isn't it remarkable how having a royal warrant can go to an organisation's head? And in the minds of poor, unquestioning, slow Joe public that emblem used to mean all was right with the world. 

Now that's got me thinking. Everyone's searching for the perfect antidote - sorry, I mean alternative - to the KC. So perhaps it's also time for an alternative RSPCA? It could still be called the RSPCA, but the word 'Royal' could be replaced with the word 'Real'. 

Just imagine it. The Real Society For the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals would be an organisation where you could phone up and report your concerns about the welfare of an animal and someone would actually do something about it. Even if it was just a little thing, like a starving moggy that you found in your garden hedge. Or a pony that was left in a field without access to water. You know, those everyday animal welfare events that don't warrant a herd of TV cameras and journalists showing up to cover it. No big media opportunities to drool over. Just big differences to the lives of animals in need. A novel approach I know. But I'm getting all tingly just thinking about it. So, any takers? 

Meanwhile our queen of the airwaves, St. Bev has been doing the dogs proud again. Surely it's only a matter of time before she twigs to the potential for DT radio?  

Nothing breathtaking to report on the CA front. But I will admit to a brief titter thinking that these brave new pioneers of pugnaciousness may one day have Trustees. That would mean CATs talking about dogdom, and we all know where that would lead. Saucer of milk anyone?

Across the Severn Bridge and into sleepy hollow, or Wales as I sometimes call it, something stirs. People  are getting nervous. Dare I use the 'C' word? For those of a nervous disposition, look away now. I'm talking about 'Councils'. Yes, the rumours are true. It seems that certain members of certain councils have personal interests in puppy farming. Shock, horror? Not really. They hand out dog breeding licences there the way others hand out jelly beans. And it seems nobody can stop them. Certainly not the Welsh Government who, despite knowing what goes on, don't want to interfere with the running of Local Authorities. It seems that the lunatics are running the asylum in sleepy hollow after all. 

But back on the right side of the bridge we can all breathe a huge sigh of relief, safe in the knowledge that the KC only registers litters from breeders in Wales who are licensed by... oh dear, the councils. 

Words are such interesting and powerful things aren't they? So while we're vaguely on the subject of animal welfare, I will leave you with a question on which to ponder until Part Three:

If you believe that animals have the right to experience the five freedoms of the animal welfare act, does that make you an animal rights advocate?  

Gossip Dog

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Gossip Dog here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of the dog world's elite. And who am I? That's something I'll never tell. You know you love me xoxo

Another picture perfect early spring day. People walking their dogs in the sunshine. Picking up after their canines with their pleasantly scented poo bags. What could be more perfect? But how dull. There's nothing to bitch about there. So let's move on...

Brace yourself, the dog world or 'dogdom' as the astringent Alan so quaintly (and mildly irritatingly continues to refer to it) held a meeting. Breeders were positively incandescent. Ooops, sorry no my mistake. The less than 5% of the total membership that attended the meeting were incandescent. But what the hell, they carried on and gave themselves a name, made up a strapline, a bit of an election campaign to find a glorious leader and woo hoo they're gonna show the KC what's what! Guys? Lesson One. Next time you hold a meeting, don't do it on a school night. Lesson Two: 5% isn't exactly an Alliance where any decisions are truly representative. The clue is in the name. But keep going, for God's sake. It's great entertainment!

Meanwhile St. Bev has been carrying the torch along the path of her latest crusade - the injustice of those nasty pet insurance companies who are so intent on leaving their customers and their pets in the lurch. Hey St. Bev - just loved the  'Rolls Royce cover for pets' quip - could be a nice bit of product placement there in your next issue. Rescue dogs riding around in the back of chauffeur driven RR - very cool. Note to Halifax, Lloyds and PetGuard. Customers have long, long memories. You mess with their pet's life, you pay in other ways. St. Bev is also doing the rounds of the airwaves of late. And they say radio is so last century...who'd could know? And luvvie - it's getting warm again so best get those car stickers happening pretty sharpish.

So how was everyone's Mothering Sunday? We know how sparky Marc's was. He was busy trying to find his mum. Or at least I think that's what he was doing. No, wait...."Where's Mum?" isn't about being an orphaned vet, but about his latest anti puppy farming campaign. Careful Mark - there's no 'I' in 'team'. But go to the top of the class for being the king of self promotion. In fact in the history of the dog world - sorry Alan, I mean dogdom, there's really no better example. Oh and Marc, I'm speaking to Gok tomorrow about getting you a makeover luvvie. That blue outfit never seems to be off your back. Relax kid, I think everyone's figured out you're probably a vet by now. No need to keep labouring the point eh? In exchange perhaps you could have a word with Gok about flaunting his latest bit of fluff. He took her on the Jonathan Woss show and yes she's an adorable pup. And yes, you can just guess where she came from...tisk, tisk.

Now when it comes to looking and sounding the part, all vet's could certainly take a leaf out of the gorgeous Joe's book. Whether on the One Show or off it, he's Mr relaxed in boy next door shirt and trousers. We likey a lot. And his food aint bad either from what I hear. Oh yes, I know what you're thinking. He's a shrewd businessman as well as a vet and there's a lot of promoting his range of dog food. And OK, so you saw him at Crufts. Nobody's perfect. But fairplay, he did have the guts to blog about the old KC furore and it's pretty obvious he's on the side of what's best for the dogs. So Joe? Respect dude.

Now isn't this fun?

Where to next. Oh I know, Dame Jemima (oh come on you know it's only a matter of time). Well, Dame J is, as we know, passionate about dogs. And she's been a real sport about taking some pretty nasty, bad-mouthing from people who have never even heard of, let alone read The Origin of Species. Historically boat rockers have never been popular. But boat rocking is sometimes a necessity in order for there to be progress. And if the first step of that progress is to make a tidal wave with the power to break down the doors of the establishment then so be it.

That tidal wave engulfed Clarges Street W1 and hopefully washed away some of those crusty old cobwebs in the process. Although in a desperate bid to save face the old guard did make a bit of a pig's ear of things with Crufts. But some kudos to old Sir Bill for giving it a bash. You could almost feel sorry for him - stuck between feisty women whichever way he turns. Dame J, St. Bev and his very own Caroline Biscuit. It's reassuring that he doesn't believe in incest when it comes to humans though. Only time will tell if Ms Biscuit crumbles under the call for fresh bloodlines to be added to their human gene pool.

So now Dame J's film is off to Canada to awaken or reawaken the conscience of breeders in the land of the Mounties. They're calling it Re-Exposed over there. Which is really quite risqué isn't it? Makes them sound like serial flashers.

And speaking of countries of yesteryear and inbreeding, let's not forget Wales. Try as we may. Wales is a bit like having a small splinter in the crook of your index finger. Irritating. This time the long, long, long overdue dog licensing legislation has yet again been delayed. This time by the good old boys, the puppy farmers themselves. Well actually from their very expensive barrister. Oh yeah, those puppy farmers aren't short of a few quid you know. Anyhoo, it seems they haven't been able to 'see or read' (not my words, that's a direct quote from the Welsh Government) the WG's submission in order to respond to it. Isn't devolution a wonderful thing? So now every licensed breeder in Wales has to be written to - explaining what it's about and giving them a chance to respond. Jesus, do we really have that long? I hope the letter from the Local Authorities is in words of one syllable. Sorry Carwyn luvvie, but you do realise you'll get more sense from the dogs they've got tied up in the sheds, don't you?

Well, lovely dog people that's it from me for now. Just remember, in this life, you reap what you sow. Until next time...
Gossip Dog