Gossip Dog here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of the dog world's elite. And who am I? That's something I'll never tell. You know you love me xoxo
Another picture perfect early spring day. People walking their dogs in the sunshine. Picking up after their canines with their pleasantly scented poo bags. What could be more perfect? But how dull. There's nothing to bitch about there. So let's move on...
Brace yourself, the dog world or 'dogdom' as the astringent Alan so quaintly (and mildly irritatingly continues to refer to it) held a meeting. Breeders were positively incandescent. Ooops, sorry no my mistake. The less than 5% of the total membership that attended the meeting were incandescent. But what the hell, they carried on and gave themselves a name, made up a strapline, a bit of an election campaign to find a glorious leader and woo hoo they're gonna show the KC what's what! Guys? Lesson One. Next time you hold a meeting, don't do it on a school night. Lesson Two: 5% isn't exactly an Alliance where any decisions are truly representative. The clue is in the name. But keep going, for God's sake. It's great entertainment!
Meanwhile St. Bev has been carrying the torch along the path of her latest crusade - the injustice of those nasty pet insurance companies who are so intent on leaving their customers and their pets in the lurch. Hey St. Bev - just loved the 'Rolls Royce cover for pets' quip - could be a nice bit of product placement there in your next issue. Rescue dogs riding around in the back of chauffeur driven RR - very cool. Note to Halifax, Lloyds and PetGuard. Customers have long, long memories. You mess with their pet's life, you pay in other ways. St. Bev is also doing the rounds of the airwaves of late. And they say radio is so last century...who'd could know? And luvvie - it's getting warm again so best get those car stickers happening pretty sharpish.
So how was everyone's Mothering Sunday? We know how sparky Marc's was. He was busy trying to find his mum. Or at least I think that's what he was doing. No, wait...."Where's Mum?" isn't about being an orphaned vet, but about his latest anti puppy farming campaign. Careful Mark - there's no 'I' in 'team'. But go to the top of the class for being the king of self promotion. In fact in the history of the dog world - sorry Alan, I mean dogdom, there's really no better example. Oh and Marc, I'm speaking to Gok tomorrow about getting you a makeover luvvie. That blue outfit never seems to be off your back. Relax kid, I think everyone's figured out you're probably a vet by now. No need to keep labouring the point eh? In exchange perhaps you could have a word with Gok about flaunting his latest bit of fluff. He took her on the Jonathan Woss show and yes she's an adorable pup. And yes, you can just guess where she came from...tisk, tisk.
Now when it comes to looking and sounding the part, all vet's could certainly take a leaf out of the gorgeous Joe's book. Whether on the One Show or off it, he's Mr relaxed in boy next door shirt and trousers. We likey a lot. And his food aint bad either from what I hear. Oh yes, I know what you're thinking. He's a shrewd businessman as well as a vet and there's a lot of promoting his range of dog food. And OK, so you saw him at Crufts. Nobody's perfect. But fairplay, he did have the guts to blog about the old KC furore and it's pretty obvious he's on the side of what's best for the dogs. So Joe? Respect dude.
Now isn't this fun?
Where to next. Oh I know, Dame Jemima (oh come on you know it's only a matter of time). Well, Dame J is, as we know, passionate about dogs. And she's been a real sport about taking some pretty nasty, bad-mouthing from people who have never even heard of, let alone read The Origin of Species. Historically boat rockers have never been popular. But boat rocking is sometimes a necessity in order for there to be progress. And if the first step of that progress is to make a tidal wave with the power to break down the doors of the establishment then so be it.
That tidal wave engulfed Clarges Street W1 and hopefully washed away some of those crusty old cobwebs in the process. Although in a desperate bid to save face the old guard did make a bit of a pig's ear of things with Crufts. But some kudos to old Sir Bill for giving it a bash. You could almost feel sorry for him - stuck between feisty women whichever way he turns. Dame J, St. Bev and his very own Caroline Biscuit. It's reassuring that he doesn't believe in incest when it comes to humans though. Only time will tell if Ms Biscuit crumbles under the call for fresh bloodlines to be added to their human gene pool.
So now Dame J's film is off to Canada to awaken or reawaken the conscience of breeders in the land of the Mounties. They're calling it Re-Exposed over there. Which is really quite risqué isn't it? Makes them sound like serial flashers.
And speaking of countries of yesteryear and inbreeding, let's not forget Wales. Try as we may. Wales is a bit like having a small splinter in the crook of your index finger. Irritating. This time the long, long, long overdue dog licensing legislation has yet again been delayed. This time by the good old boys, the puppy farmers themselves. Well actually from their very expensive barrister. Oh yeah, those puppy farmers aren't short of a few quid you know. Anyhoo, it seems they haven't been able to 'see or read' (not my words, that's a direct quote from the Welsh Government) the WG's submission in order to respond to it. Isn't devolution a wonderful thing? So now every licensed breeder in Wales has to be written to - explaining what it's about and giving them a chance to respond. Jesus, do we really have that long? I hope the letter from the Local Authorities is in words of one syllable. Sorry Carwyn luvvie, but you do realise you'll get more sense from the dogs they've got tied up in the sheds, don't you?
Well, lovely dog people that's it from me for now. Just remember, in this life, you reap what you sow. Until next time...